Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Put My Thang Down, Flip It, and Reverse It

It may have been 3 pumps, possibly only 2 1/2, but George is done with Elijah. Infidelity and bi-curiosity are two unattractive traits in a gay relationship...I would think. Hannah is none the wiser though and has no idea that Elijah and Marnie banged on her living room couch. This is for the better since Hannah can't help but take everything personally and would somehow find a way to relate their activities to her own shortcomings. And if her own shortcomings are starting to drag her down, Hannah is at least making strides to address them. Albeit through self-help Youtube clips on cutting your own hair and dancersize, but, you know, baby steps.

In a reversal of fortune, Marnie is now the unemployable one. Even in her best Ann Taylor suit, she is unable to impress at her interview. Her interviewer (played by Lena Dunham's real life mother and real life artist, Laurie Simmons) can only feign interest in Marnie's qualifications and is much more focused on verbally lashing her intern for not dunking her teabag in the desired manner. If the intern really needs instruction on tea bagging, I'm sure there are plenty of guys who would be willing to help out. To add insult to injury, Marnie returns home to the sight of Shosh and Ray deeply immersed in lovey-dovey pillow talk. Most of their discussion revolves around the merits of bathing a baby pig together but they do offer one constructive tidbit when they plant the seed in Marnie's head that she might be better off getting a "pretty person's job". For the love of God, please let that job be at Champagne Facials.

Thomas-John wants to look pretty also so he dons his fanciest fedora and poses shirtless on a stool for Jessa. This guy infuriates me. I want nothing more than for there to be 3 more of him in this scene so I can flip that stool over, get a little creative so that all four of them could sit on the stool at the same time. Between the matching tiger tattoo, his affinity for "Dana's" shorteralls, and his fucking "meetings" it's a mystery as to how Jessa can stomach the sight of him. He does give surprise gifts though, which bitches love, and in this case it's quite literally an entire box of bitches. Not to be overshadowed by all the celebrities, Jessa names her new puppies Garbage, Fucker, and Channukah.

Emboldened by Jessa, Hannah confronts Sandy and asks why he hasn't read her story yet. At first he tries taking the easy route, saying he hasn't read it, but under more pressure he eventually folds and admits to not only reading it, but also not liking it. Admittedly, the quality of writing is strong, but like everything else we've known Hannah to write, "nothing happens in it". Hannah takes this slight and tries to draw a parallel to their difference of opinion when it comes to politics. Sandy was able to brush of the condescending political comments from Elijah earlier in the morning but at this point he's done laying down for the flaming liberals. There's only so much he can be baited before going militant-black-ballistic. Sandy calls their relationship for exactly what it is (Hannah's desire to dip her toes into something a little more exotic and exciting... a.k.a. "black") which Hannah denies vehemently. But she doesn't exactly do herself any favors when she starts quoting Work It and then claiming she didn't even realize Sandy was black. All in all, her relationship with Sandy is a pretty good allegory for the show's entire relationship with racial minorities: a half-assed and short lived attempt at diversity for the purpose of breaking up painful monotony.

When Marnie settles on a hostess job (much to my chagrin, I thought Champagne Facials was a promising career for her) it doesn't seem like the worst choice. $400 a day, good hours, and lots of social time is most people's idea of a decent job. Hannah on the other hand can't help but take a dig, reminding Marnie that her $40 job is more noble because she's made the "choice" to not cash in on her sexuality. "Choice" would be one way to put it. Another way to put it would be that nobody in their right mind would hire an overly tattooed, overly weighted, and overly condescending person to greet prospective diners. On the bright side, Marnie does get to dress like a slutty Von Trapp child. Fun side note on that video: I actually sent that out to my old company's list serve of several hundred very confused employees before picking up and walking out. Fact.

Hannah may feel sorry for Marnie, but she certainly doesn't feel sorry for Adam. Not after all his unsolicited acoustic love songs. Not after his late night texts. Certainly not after !SURPRISE! he lets himself into her apartment and jumps out from behind the doorway to scare her while she's in bed. Hannah is a bit freaked out, understandably so, and dials 911 before reconsidering and hanging up. Damage already done though. Adam pours his heart out, both applauding her resolve to try and end things while also admitting that "as a man living his man life", he's not ready to give up quite yet. But to no avail. Hannah pleads for him to just leave her alone and there's so much hurt and desperation in her voice that for the first time Adam realizes he's fighting a losing battle.

With his tail squarely between his legs, Adam slinks off, but wait, Hannah calls him back. There's a pregnant pause as the two stand in the door way and maybe, just maybe, Hannah is about to take him back. We'll never know. That's when the cops show up. Rather unfortunately for Adam, an unpaid public urination summons means he can't plead ignorance to this whole fiasco. He's gotta take a night time field trip to the slammer. Ain't that just like the po-po? Always there when you don't want 'em, and never there when you need 'em? Story of my life. Hannah gets off easy, allowed to stay at her apartment even though all the stalking started with her, a pair of knee socks, and a Jason mask. From the top of the staircase she can do nothing but watch as Adam is dragged away and weakly mumble what should really be her life mantra at this point: "I'm so sorry".

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